So I’m just reviewing in my mind how thankful I am that God’s grace has been upon me while we figure our “homeschool rhythm” out. As I am a re-covering perfectionist I was nervous that teaching my children their entire education would trigger a relapse, and I would be educating, but it would not be the good kind.
To begin with I have to say that homeschooling thus far has been one of the best blessings God has given our family! We love it! It has brought us closer together, grown confidence in my kids, allowed us to live…not rush from this activity to that with little time inbetween to slow down and live in the moment (that moment that we will never get again), allowed us to nurture relationships outside our immediate family, allowed me time to nurture my husband, taught us how God spans across all subjects and grown our faith! Wow, and that’s all happened in only about 60 days!!
Yes there will be days (and there already has been) that will make me want to pull my hair out…but honestly I was pulling my hair out way more when they were in public school and I was trying my best to make sure we did all we should do, cleaned all we should clean, served everywhere we could serve, and held tight to the home teaching I needed to do to make sure public school didn’t slip in there and educate them on things untrue or destructive to our faith. I’m so glad God is such a genius! And even more glad that my own humanity is not what fuels this.
I wish I could sing praises to God all day long for all that He has done for me and my family. And when He delivers such blessings as this, I am so humbled and in love! I fail all the time. I lay in bed some nights and wonder if I’m teaching them enough, pushing them to hard or how I will ever teach them algebra!! But then I step back from circumstances and look thru my God glasses and see that I’m not the one running this thing (bc if I was it would already be in the ditch), so I go to sleep, wake up, talk to The Man, get my orders and carry on.
That’s what I keep doing and He continues to be faithful.
I know there will come a day when we have to get a little more structured, spend a lot more time in studies, and plan better…but right now it’s like I was given my kids back. It’s like I’m mom again, not the lady that manages the taxis, cooks and shops for food, the maid, the scheduling assistant, and on an on and on. I’m mom. That’s what I was made for. That’s what He designed me to do. Somewhere in the midst of life we lost the intentionalness of reaching the goal I knew we were supposed to reach. We were being swept by the current and unaware that we were floating out to sea right along with everyone else. And then God very lovingly opened our eyes and we paddled over to the shore, got out of the lazy river and began discovering the joys of being intentional. We are able to put our faith in God first, our family second and everything else falls somewhere behind that. I remember writing answers to “what my priorities are” in bible studies. They were written correctly, but I wasn’t living what I wrote. Now I am, at least most days!
My best days are the ones that I try to teach like Jesus taught. He didn’t plan 30 weeks ahead with visual charts, powerpoint presentations and cue cards. He didn’t compare His planner with all the other homeschool mom blogs and think how inadequate He was. He looked around and saw where the need was. Sometimes the need ran up and begged for help. Sometimes the need lay waiting to see if He would notice. Sometimes He was tired, hungry, thirsty and had too many emails/texts to answer…oops that’s me. But regardless of how He felt or what may have appeared urgent at the moment He used wisdom to “intentionally” line up His priorities with those of the Father and teach the things of real value. He saw the souls that He was teaching, not just the curriculum. Can you feel that moment? The moment you realize the satisfaction of doing what you were meant to do and watching it pay off?
Appropriately enough my worse days are the ones I have an agenda to fill them with curriculum/knowledge and not teach their souls!
This brings me to why I wanted to start this line of journaling. I want to remember to teach their souls not fill them with knowledge. I want our homeschooling to bring glory to God! I want to remember the beauty in watching God correct my family and lead us down a path of awesome blessings. I want to remember that it’s not my hands that bring them goodness, it’s His. I want to reassure myself one day when I re-read this that we did this because God told us to, therefore it’s up to Him to provide what we need. I want to finish reading all those super mom blogs with this one so I know that I’m not damaging our kids bc we don’t have a garden planted yet, haven’t won the noble peace prize, nor do I even have tomorrows lessons planned, but we are doing the will of the Father. He has brought me out of all my other fires; He will deliver me from this one, assuming I go to sleep, wake up, talk to The Man, get my orders and carry on.