I sit here in awe of the faith building, kingdom adding, miracles of God that He has shown me in the last few months. Sometimes I am in this place where I pray that the Lord would come back to save His sons and daughters of pain, and also those children that would be safe because they are not yet accountable. The view from human eyes looks dim, so we focus there and forget how powerful God is. I see broken families that I pray desperately for, sisters and brothers that fall away from their faith, pain come to those that are following their faith, children with open hearts squashed by worldly parents, physical illness hold the elderly in a prison, salvation offered and rejected and I wonder…when will You come? When will You stop the evilness that runs wild here? Selfishly I wonder when He will stop my pain? My children’s pain? My husband’s? Oh but how joyful I am that I am not in control, nor do I make those decisions. Because my blindness is His wisdom! He has plans, He has people to make His children, He has lives to grow His love inside, He still has wounds to heal for some, and wounds to inflict on others so that they might grow in His grace. He has a Kingdom to run, I have NO idea the lengths or depths of how that is done. What I do know is this when we are faithful He will bring fruit. And that fruit is worth the pain suffered.
Just 2 days ago I was blessed to have the Lord show up in the lives of 12 little girls and 2 big girls. The last day of GWAP for this year was a MIGHTY ONE!! I was prayed up, and I thought, prepared and expecting the Lord Almighty to show …and show up big, but my little mind had no idea!!! We started class and had another awesome time of questions and answers. And in the Sr. class they were big people questions…such as, ‘what is worldliness?’ ‘how do we not sin?’ ‘what does propitiation mean?’ ‘how does showing too much skin lead to impurity?’ and on and on. I felt that we discussed some real “meat.” Then it was over to the big church to worship and praise God with our voices. Something about that many girls gathered at the altar of God singing about how His great name heals all, saves all and loves all is indescribable!! As we sang I told them verses to apply to the songs so that they could relate that we weren’t just singing, we were praising and celebrating the goodness of God.
Now God had impressed on me that He was gonna do something big here, but what I discovered was that big to me and BIG TO HIM are two different things!! I should back up a week. I had two girls tell me the week before that they asked Jesus into their hearts at home…well I didn’t have the chance to talk to them one on one before they had to leave that week. So I had been preparing to talk to them 1st, before class started. I did, and really felt that these girls sincerely received Christ and were now God’s children. That was my idea of big. Here’s God’s: As we were singing and praising girl after girl began to be stirred, then convicted and when it was all said and done 3 more girls surrendered to Christ and ALL of them were convicted and crying about something. Some were too young to understand the conviction, some didn’t have the knowledge to apply to it, some were too scared to receive it, for some they just didn’t have words…but all were moved by the mighty hand of God!! Including their 2 big girl teachers!! My sister-in-Christ Eryn and I were speechless. We were overwhelmed.
I had promised a pizza party after our worship and as I drove across the street to buy the pizza I had waiting, I was shaking and couldn’t put 2 sentences together because God’s bigness is more than we humans can handle. We just can’t get it. As much love as I feel for God and as much reverence as I feel for God I cannot begin to come close to giving Him what He deserves. I can’t imagine being in His presence. I can’t imagine His glory. And I can’t imagine how overtaken I will be just to be in heaven with Him.
Sometimes I think our over-valued egos lead us to think we are “something.” Let me be the first to repent right now…with the cross in the background and His work in my life in the foreground, I am so little…so small and yet still sooooo loved. I marvel at how a God so big, so powerful, so important and so busy has time to hear the tearful, small voice of a wife/mother/teacher/friend and follower of His Son beg for His help to tend her flock. Beg for Him to cover her mistakes. Beg for Him to change her impurities so that she can serve Him more wholly. Beg for Him to provide what she absolutely does not derserve…and then deliver results like I saw Friday.
In the voice of Bill and Ted…”I AM SO NOT WORTHY!”
Thank You Father for hearing me, acting on my behalf and the behalf of those children. Thank You Father for taking the time to love me and include me in things that I could never do myself. Thank You Father for saving eternity for 5 little girls and encouraging 2 big girls to keep fighting, praying and loving…no matter how dim it might seem.
Hallelujah!! Hallelujah!! Hallelujah!!!!