Click for theme song… Beautiful Things
So this last weekend was my annual hiatus from daily life…the ladies retreat. This is my third year to go and my third time to be altered. The first year you could read about under my
“The Boots,” blog post. It rearranged my mind, heart and focus. The Lord brought me to my knees so that He could lovingly reach down and pick me up into His arms! I wish I could on about it, bc I will never forget how awesome the Lord shined into my brokeness…but I have a dinner in the crock pot that would waste if I took the time, so onto this years treasure.
I have learned by now to just expect God to meet me in this place and break me. In the last 2 years I have had one of many “come to Jesus meetings” there. This year I planned on asking for it! Yes a “come to Jesus meeting” usually hurts, but I’ve been taught by my Master that it always ends good. So I began praying a couple of weeks before for my Lord to get me ready and meet me there with yet another reckoning. Last year He taught me about how sufficient His grace is; therefore, I need not continue to try to control…control….control! We will call year one-the boot kick, year two -grace not trac (short for traci…that’s me in case you didn’t pick up on my wittiness), and let’s name year three -square 2. The Lord showed me that I have moved thru square 1 and now He’s talking to me about what is in square 2! I liked it! I didn’t need a reckoning this year bc I’m growing!! Wow! Did I say I like it? As much as I am eternally grateful for the reckonings that He used to “chisel” off the junk, I am really encouraged that I surrendered myself to Him this year and He said, “You’re doing alright kid! I just want to let you know I have some plans and I want you to be talking to Me about them A LOT!!!” He did remind me of the spiritual warfare that is going on around me and that if I intend on winning those in this lifetime, I better see it for the fight that it is and get in my fighting stance…aka my knees! I better listen hard and step only when told to, bc as I may now be ready for some field action…I am also still very inadequate without my Commanding Officer giving me step by step orders. Also I need power that I do not possess in order to win the fight for the flocks that He has me in charge of. It’s not just my life on the line…I have a slew of people. And I need to see this fight for what it is. For some it is their success and crowns from this life, for others losing means eternal damnation….neither of these are powder puff decisions; therefore they do not require powder puff christianity. In other words, I better not be harboring any Joel Olsteen, “Your best life now,” bullcrap…I better be ready to get dirty, get hurt and be tired. But also ready to watch the Master rain victory down on those that desperately need Him. A treasure full of blessing is what I believe Paul would call that!
I sit here now with great anticipation, but also some human fear. Will I be strong enough to hold tight to the Lord and wise enough to see the attacks when they come, not once I am in the midst of them? Am I faithful enough to do what He asks? Am I selfless enough to sacrafice? Am I dilligent enough to perservere? Am I humble enough to stay usable? I have so much more on the line now. The truth is I am none of those things unless I take one day at a time…one quiet time at a time…one prayer at a time and one God ordered step at a time. And as much as I’d like to say I’ve learned that lesson so, “I’ve got this.” I will fail somewhere, sometime, somehow. But because my God is more faithful than I…I can count on Him to discipline those He loves, encourage pure hearts, and give rest to the weary. I can trust that, “He’s got this.”
My prayer is not only that I will endure, but that I will have my prayer warriors adding to my strength, my mentors holding me accountable, and my God making beautiful things out of us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!